Tag Archives: world

Becoming a Woman



I cannot recall the moment I became a woman.

Nor the day.

Or the year.

It wasn’t the day I put on my first pad, walked in high heels, or lost my virginity.

It wasn’t magical, but it was life altering.

Maybe it was the day the news got sadder instead of boring.

Maybe it was the day I fixed my own broken heart.

Maybe it was the day I realized family was a lot more than blood.

Maybe it was the day I stopped allowing people to define me.

I became a woman,

During the years learning to love the girl inside of me.



Taking for Granted

Taking for Granted

In Africa a frail women balances a clay pot on her head, carrying cloudy water to her four children so they can have a drink of water to fill their grumbling bellies.

In Iraq a small boy is cowering behind his rusted shack, covering his ears in a weak attempt to block out the screaming and the roar of bombs that terrorizes his home village.

In China a teenage girl gags on the toxic air, forced to wear a mask just to breathe and walk down the overcrowded streets.

In Mexico a toddler plays with a broken bottle he found on the beach, among the heaps of trash washed up onto the shore.

In India a nine year old girl is sold by her family into slavery so they could pay for their son’s education.

Yet in Canada I get up and drink a big glass of water from my well.

In Canada I’ve only watched action movies with the explosions of guns and bombs.

In Canada I walk outside in the morning surrounded by pines and maple trees and inhale the crisp air.

In Canada I put out my garbage every Thursday morning so it can disappear when the truck comes.

In Canada I have my own education where an unlimited world of knowledge awaits me.

I’ve been blessed to live in Canada, a paradise too many take for granted.



Planting The Seed

Planting The Seed

The Devil is lurking


For an innocent soul

To corrupt

The night is long

For all

As he discovers his victim

Dreaming peacefully

A little girl of three

Sweet and naïve

Curled up around her teddy bear

As the devil draws near

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A Walk in the Woods

A Walk in the Woods

I deeply inhale the earthy smell of dirt as I navigate my way through the Canadian wilderness found in my backyard, where countless acres of pine and maple trees are here for me to discover. Brightly colored leaves crunch underfoot as the cool October breeze tickles my naked arms. Crickets chirp their melodies as the setting sun casts a fiery glow across the clear sky. The wet smell of moss hits me; my feet sink softly in the thick texture of the moss that blankets the forest floor, absorbing my weight like a pillow. I get lost in the temperate paradise that quiets my worries and sparks my brilliant spirit. The maple trees’ bark is rough beneath my fingertips as I trace the worn lines embedded from years of exposure to the seasons. The soothing environment always brings me back throughout the past 16 years of my life; the branches beckon me home.

My feet beat on the uneven ground as my speed quickens; I dart between the trees that scratch at my exposed skin. A smile blooms from ear-to-ear, my momentum hurtling me over fallen trees as critters scatter in alarm at their disturb peace. I chase the retreating sun to no avail. My breath comes out in short rasps, hot on my tongue, as I push my body to its limit; my arms and legs pump rapidly, feeding from the hot adrenaline coursing through my veins. As I reach the embankment of the river I halt, closing my eyes. The sound of rushing water is intoxicating, echoing inside my head, drowning out the thumping of my beating heart. I am at peace in my home.

The air is thick with the hazy twilight mist; I can taste the clean, cool water as it collects on my tongue. The nighttime critters begin to wake from their sleep and prowl the night. Frogs croak restlessly, content on the riverside. Goosebumps rise on my arms as the temperature rapidly drops along with the receding sun. Dozens of stars appear like old friends, diamonds in the clear sky. I settle down, leaning against the trunk of an ancient birch; its lower branches embrace me like a lover. It whispers to me its secrets as I rest, my heart slowing to a steady pump. I can see the footprints in the mud of foxes and deer, revealing a path that another life has followed.

The ground is damp, water moistening the back of my legs and my butt as it absorbs through my worn blue jeans. The water lazily flows, a sweet lullaby. My fingers comb through the long grass, catching on twigs that have fallen from their home in the trees. My tense muscles relax and thoughts quiet as darkness finally envelopes the forest. The only light is cast by the full moon that shines boldly in the black sky. I am entranced by the display, not daring to move and break this illusion of peace and quiet. Worries shed like the bark on a birch tree, peeling away layer by layer to reveal the new pink skin beneath. I lean my head against the hard trunk of the tree, and slip away into my dreams.

The Life I Left Behind

The Life I Left Behind

A smile dances on my lips,
Laughter bubbles in my chest,
My mind soars to new heights,
My worries put to rest.

Working like a dog,
Sweating blood and tears,
Day and night, I built a life,
So now happiness found me here.

I could’ve whined and complained,
Cursed the unfairness of it all,
Got stuck in the poverty I was in,
Yet a better life calls.

Through storms and hurricanes,
I grew wings and learned to fly,
Never looking back,
On the life I left behind.

An Underwater Feeling

An Underwater Feeling

  Breathe in.

               Breathe out.

Quiet, can’t let him know I’m here. Yet I’m curious. Like an itch that must be scratched, I pull back the blanket that conceals my presence under my single bed. I can see thousands of tiny dust particles threw the light that shines through the crack, floating and undisturbed by my escalating heart rate. I peer around my bedroom that I have inhabited since I moved here five years ago with my Mother.

Things have changed so much since then.

I see my discarded clothing on the floor from yesterday; I see my tenth grade math textbook and long forgotten homework stack in the corner. I can make out the bottom of my black dresser and bookcase, stuffed full of the only footprints I have left so far in the world.

And now I can see the door swinging open and crashing into the wall, shaking the one story house on the back roads of Fredericton. I quickly let go of the blanket as my stepfather’s boots come into sight.

But I am not, and was never, fast enough.

`              “You think you can hide from me you little bitch!” He roars as his footsteps come towards the bed. I shrink against the wall and squeeze my eyes shut, praying to dissolve into dust.

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Just A Day


Every time,

I fall for it.

Every apology,

I forgive.

Every smile,

I return.

Every excuse,

I accept.

Every day

I wake.

Every night,

I sleep.

But what if?

I start to rise,

Ask questions,

Throw a cold shoulder,

Demand the truth,

Sleep all day,

And dance throw the night?

Rebelling against,

What we’re taught,

For just a day,

And what a day it would be.

What The World Needs


What The World Needs

When I hear people say “there is so many things wrong with the world”, I wholeheartedly, %100 disagree. No, I’m not saying the we live in a great world without problems, I know that society sucks, and people suck.

I’m saying that when people are asked the question, “What would make the world a better place?” Here are the most common answers:

1. Peace
2. Love
3. Equality
4. Happiness

But I think they’re forgetting the whole picture. Peace won’t stop hate, we can’t love everybody. if everyone was equal society would fall apart, and a world where everyone was happy would also mean everyone was insane.

I think, all this world needs is respect.

I don’t have to love you to respect you, your beliefs, and your rights. If people respected one another, their wouldn’t be rapes, murders, abuse, etc. If we respected the world we lived in, we wouldn’t litter it, burn it, destroy it. If we respected ourselves, we wouldn’t self-harm, do drugs, smoke.

When you respect something or someone, what do you act like? imagine if the world just did that everyday?

All in all, that would be a pretty good world to live in.
So I’m not staying that the rich has to become poor and let the poor become rich.
I’m not saying you had to love every person who walks into your life,
I’m not saying you have to protest against deforestation or recycle,
I’m not saying you have to be pleased with yourself everyday,
and I’m not even saying you have to smile everyday.

Everyone goes on and on about what the world needs and how we can make the world a better place. But the way I see it, there is one and only one thing this world needs.

Some respect.

Walking on Death’s Path


I’ll never forget the loneliness, terror, and rage. What started as taking control of my deteriorating life almost ended it when I developed Restrictive Anorexia at the tender age of thirteen. I moved almost two hundred miles from my home and into a hospital for ten months over the span of two years. I only got to see my parents on the weekends while I was a patient, because they have three other daughters and jobs to go to. I had kidney and heart problems due to my illness, not understanding the severity of my situation until it was out of my control.

            I remember disgust knotting in my gut as I heard the titters and jeers of my classmates as Amanda Todd cried on the screen before us. I wanted to scream at them that they don’t know a thing about how she is feeling till my throat was raw with foul language and curses staining my tongue. Yet I kept my silence, because I knew it would’ve done no good for that broken girl on the screen, it was already too late for her.

            Why? I’ve been there. How? I have my own demons in my head. Do I know all that she went through? No, I just understand that hopeless, ripping pain she felt. The kinds of pain that takes your breath away and makes you want to cease to exist. When you hate yourself so much because you KNEW what you were doing yet you let those ugly thoughts win because you’re so tired, you don’t want to fight anymore. Day after day, hour after hour, I am bombarded with thoughts that have a wish to kill me, and my deepest regret is that I almost let them.

            Back then, I believed I was invincible. So when the doctor told me I wouldn’t live another week, I didn’t believe her, I refused to believe her. I couldn’t even do basic things like walking up the stairs because sudden death would happen too quickly for me; my pulse was a mere thirty beats a minute. Losing a total of 45lbs off my non-obese body; destroying me physically as much as mentally. It’s overwhelming and surreal to me even now. It was a miracle I got up every morning; I remember my mom would check on me in the night terrified that I would never wake up.

            Yet my family was as powerless as I was. Frustration simmers in myself until it stirs, causing me to shut down or throw tantrums. I would beg my family -crying and begging hard enough to wake the deceased- to take me out of the poor care of the nurses but they couldn’t, because I would be stripped away from my family and become a ward of the court. One of the biggest myths of Anorexia is the belief that we just want to lose weight; so it’s our fault. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses. It’s there when we are born, a chemical imbalance that triggers when something mentally damaging occurs. I couldn’t have helped it anymore than someone with cancer could have prevented their illness.

            Anorexia changed my whole life. One minute I was a healthy teen, all of the sudden I am on an IV and a heart monitor, laying in a hospital bed. But good things came from the hardest struggle of my life; I’m closer to my family than ever before, enjoying every moment with them. I’m wiser and stronger than the mere thirteen year old that was kissed by a voice that promised a happy life. I know more about myself and my body now than ever. Loving yourself was the hardest lesson to learn though, but now that I have, life got easier and more bearable for me.

            Overall, it’s bittersweet; I’ll have to deal with this for the rest of my life. It doesn’t matter if it was for better or for worse, because I love myself now, exactly the way I am. So I’ll fight Anorexia, with all I got, with no regrets.





I don’t think I can scream it loud enough, the words buried in my flesh,
I itch and throb all day with the words that seem to never go past my tongue,
My eyes that are long since innocent, sees the worlds ugly flaws,
Yet society plays innocent, to all they have done.

Where is the justice? There never was such a thing.
Leaders mock their words of freedom with their actions, a disgrace.
Empty promises and sugar coated words have foul aftertastes,
Is this all the world will ever be? Is this the future we face?

I want to be a hermit, a life secluded and without politics,
Where I can trust that the birds don’t deceive me, no lies in my ears,
My worries to gather wood and food, not to be murder on the street,
A place not touch by the taint of society where I can live out my years.

Alas, we’re not free, we are caged in the houses that we call home,
In every street, they watch with prying eyes, desperate to keep us contained,
One person is all it takes to ruin the iron grip of society,
After all, a wild fire starts with just one little flame.