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Tears as my Grave

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Pain assaults my mind,
A vicious train of thought becoming a physical burden,

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Ana

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Ana

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I cannot be happy like this,
I literally cannot live like this,
I’ll die.
Why? And for what?

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What The World Needs

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What The World Needs

When I hear people say “there is so many things wrong with the world”, I wholeheartedly, %100 disagree. No, I’m not saying the we live in a great world without problems, I know that society sucks, and people suck.

I’m saying that when people are asked the question, “What would make the world a better place?” Here are the most common answers:

1. Peace
2. Love
3. Equality
4. Happiness
etc.

But I think they’re forgetting the whole picture. Peace won’t stop hate, we can’t love everybody. if everyone was equal society would fall apart, and a world where everyone was happy would also mean everyone was insane.

I think, all this world needs is respect.

I don’t have to love you to respect you, your beliefs, and your rights. If people respected one another, their wouldn’t be rapes, murders, abuse, etc. If we respected the world we lived in, we wouldn’t litter it, burn it, destroy it. If we respected ourselves, we wouldn’t self-harm, do drugs, smoke.

When you respect something or someone, what do you act like? imagine if the world just did that everyday?

All in all, that would be a pretty good world to live in.
So I’m not staying that the rich has to become poor and let the poor become rich.
I’m not saying you had to love every person who walks into your life,
I’m not saying you have to protest against deforestation or recycle,
I’m not saying you have to be pleased with yourself everyday,
and I’m not even saying you have to smile everyday.

Everyone goes on and on about what the world needs and how we can make the world a better place. But the way I see it, there is one and only one thing this world needs.

Some respect.

Flat Chested

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Flat Chested

I’m scowling at the mirror, turning my body and puffing out my chest, there, I think as get the right angle I want.

The angle that my boobs look bigger.

Sorry, ‘breast’ is the proper term for it. Personally, I don’t care what you call it, I’m really lacking in it. Always have to be perfectly honest; my illness that hit me at 13, just the beginning of my puberty, took my potential curves and breasts away. So now, I’m 15, tall, slender and…. flat. I’m a ‘B’ cup with push-up padding.

And then much to my dismay, me chastising myself for my lack-of-breasts, society decides that that isn’t enough. Then want big-breasted, big-hips and impossibly toned waist, which quite frankly, nobody can do! Actually, a lot of girls are flat chested, yet sadly, that thought doesn’t sit well with me. It’s funny how a lot of girls with straight hair want curly hair, how girls with curly hair want straight hair, or how girls with big boobs want small ones, and vice versa. We all want something different- or what we don’t have.

I won’t deny it, I’ve goggled how to ‘make my breasts bigger’, and if you ever do or already have (shout out to all the people who have right here) then you’ll now know that drinking lots of milk and massaging them will make them bigger. Well, if that were true, I should be a size DD by now.

When I pray, I actually think please, God, I don’t want huge boobs, just at least a good B or C, that’s all I want. Pathetic? I know. *sigh* the problems of a teenage girl. My purpose of me writing this was to show you, we all have our insecurities, and have you guess it? Being flat-chested is mine. And I know I’m fifteen years old; I have time to grow, right? Yeah well, hallelujah if that day comes.

Better go have another glass of milk. 😉

Generation Lost

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Generation Lost

Here I lay, Speechless.
Air frozen in my lungs, Choking.
Emotions surge, Overwhelmed.
A noose caresses my neck, provoking.

Smashed at Breakfast,
Stoned by Noon,
Cried out the evening,
Innocence doomed.

Nights are wild, dangerous,
Creeps are lurking, hungry for prey,
Concoctions passed around, unidentified,
Passed out in ditches, time forgotten the next day.

We are young in mind, dead inside,
Poisoned instead of in our prime,
Fueled by demons and pressured by each other.
Forgotten when we die.

Virginity is lost younger,
We cheat, fight and lie,
We lose respect from our elders,
Yet see this from our eyes.

Our parents are Alcoholics,
They complain about every bill,
They bitch and cuss after work,
Our holes in ourselves we just want to fill.

Don’t say we are a lost generation,
We are all lost, never been found,
We are like the last, and the one before,
A vicious cycle that keeps going ‘round.

Secrets I keep

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Secrets I keep

Bad decisions,
Haunt you,
Linger in your mind,
Like a veil,
Strip down,
Your confidence,
A reminder,
How you failed.

Numb,
Inside and out,
Head to toe,
Unable,
To feel addicting highs,
And burning lows.

Forgetting,
Forgotten,
Your needs, your purpose,
Hurting,
Crashing,
Dying worthless.
Breathe in,
Breahe out,
Wake up,
Then sleep,
Neverending struggles I face,
All the secrets I keep.

Storm

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Storm

Misery hangs like a cloud above my head,
So dense yet people are blind,
They choose not to see the fog,
Entrapping me, tangling into my lungs,
My limbs,
My heart,
Grey and oozing like tar into my skin,
Numbing me so no emotions, no tears, appear,
It’s like a monster from my childhood,
But I’m too tired to run,
To flee,
To care,
I do not want to be the victim,
I am the predator, not the prey,
I lash out at the people around me,
Suffocating in their indifference,
Their naivity
Their pathetic-ness,
Lightning and thunder charges my body,
Emotions roll through me like waves,
It won’t be locked up, or be contained,
This cloud, this storm is filled with fury,
With hate,
With loneliness.